Jingles from the Bean Counter’s Desk

April 27, 2017

Listen, I’m not going to complain, jingles are the marrow of Bottom Line Marketing. We’ve written jingles to make the average consumer sing, hum, whistle, tap dance and annoy the living earworm right out of you. The singing phone number alone has rewarded insurance agencies, plumbers and real estate offices with more money than Heinz has pickles. Our jingle department has composed a hoedown barn dance to sell chicken dinners at a Catholic school fundraiser. We’ve posted up a school of fish, a clowder of cats and a renegade of shelter dogs to praise the latest and most premium pet store in your neighborhood. What’s there not to love about jingles?

Let’s start with the basics. These talented folks create these musical arrangements, and then play them, and play them, and then.. you guessed it, play them. A regular day at the studio goes something like this: “Not quite right… no, hold that last sharp…hold it, hold it…longer, we’ve only got 30 seconds, scratch that, 12 seconds. You wrote, no I wrote the last one, your turn…that sounds just like….because it is the one we wrote last week for the appliance store…The one where the monkeys carry the dryer out on a stretcher, surely you remember that? Ok, ok back to the lyrics…what rhymes with perfidious? Take it back to the third verse where the guy drops to one knee to propose, loses the diamond ring in the snow…she smiles and says ‘it’s a no go’….have to try it another way…make another pot of coffee.”

Working with jingle writers is identical to having an outdoor lunch on a glorious sunny day with a jackhammer appointing concrete expansion into the neighborhood sidewalk. It’s like first-grade recess, children running in all directions “you’re it, no you’re it” and then crying because you skinned your knee and still can’t come up with something that rhymes with perfidious.

This force we refer to as our jingle department captures moments that have yet to happen. They’ve set you sailing on ships that move only with the evening breeze of pursed lips of lovers yet to meet. They guide the advertising campaign through the hooks, creating a memorizing and mesmerizing lyrical 15-second sing out that you’ve yet to forget. And grooves that have you serenading infant grandchildren because it’s the first song they’ve responded positively to. Who knew?

Listen, I live with a jingle writer, I’m not going to complain. My jingle repertoire is so vast I can recite jewelry romance campaigns with an unparalleled rivalry. I’ve danced on flying carpets, paraded joyfully around 600-degree campfires and hosted recognized musicians and song masters in my home. All this to make sure your patrons gleefully waltz through your work door, buzzing lyrics synonymous to your commodities. If you want an ad campaign to be effective introduce a 30-second musical masterpiece that will be heard insistently, persistently forever and ever and ever.