Jesse Kuiken

Jesse Kuiken

Content Writer

Nickname: Jesse

Why did you join the BLM crew? What drew you to the business?

I joined the BLM crew so I wouldn't be bored. In reality, I am filthy rich. But what fun is it to spend all my time in the Mediterranean on my yacht, drinking Italian wines and drifting through the Greek islands? Or visiting Japan (sigh, again) to watch the cherry trees blossom? Or sitting in the sauna after a day of skiing on my own private mountain in Colorado? Being rich is so tedious. I'd rather do an honest day's work before having my driver pick me up and take me to my seventh house, which is worth a modest five million.

What is your favorite part of coming to BLM everyday?

The opportunity to apply my writing skills in new and creative ways. That and the tote bags of free stuff, definitely.

What do you most enjoy about being on the BLM team?

I love coming to work and working. The culture and the people are fantastic, but I adore the challenge of the work itself. I like sitting down to my assignments and thinking of how I will go about accomplishing them and how I will do better on my current assignment than I did on the last one. I love ending my day feeling like I have done something substantive with my mind and my time. It's a nice feeling to have.

Who would you cast to play you in a movie about your life? What genre would it be?

Peter Dinklage would play me, and it would be a dramedy. It would have to be serious but not that serious.

If you could have any superpower, what would it be? Why?

I would be able to make wormholes to transport myself instantly from one place to another. Because I hate driving anywhere.

What word would you add to the dictionary? What does it mean?

I believe IDK should be a word in and of itself, and it would be defined primarily as a "word or sound that expresses indecision, confusion, bafflement, or just plain 'dang, I give up on even trying to guess'".

What was your favorite cartoon growing up?

Darkwing Duck!

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

That's the thing: they don't. Have you ever seen deer cross at the yellow road sign? Nope, you haven't. Because they don't. The deer will never cross at the yellow road sign. It's a ruse. While humans are suitably comforted by the notion that the deer will cross at the yellow road sign, and therefore mislead, the deer are busy plotting world domination. Open your eyes, sheeple.

What did you want to be when you grew up?

A firefighter! Barring that, a writer.

Where can we find you when you aren’t at BLM?

In my hobbit hole of an apartment, tending to my very anxious cat and watching too much TV.

You're stuck in the woods for three days, do you survive?

Heck yeah! My dad was a Scoutmaster and I went backpacking and camping as a kid.

If you weren’t working for BLM, what would you be doing?

Cruising around Florence on a scooter and randomly saying "Ciao!" to everyone I pass.